Let's see if I understand how things in America work, now!
If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving,
If a teen-age boy kills himself,
If a daughter gets pregnant by the football captain,
If someone smokes three packs a day for 40 years and dies of lung cancer,
If a neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk,
Someone gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty,
If children or grandchildren are brats without manners,
If a deranged madman shoots people,
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet,
and the passengers kill him instead,
Either I have lived too long to understand the way things work, or my parents lied to me during my formative years.
So, if I die while
my old saggy, wrinkled rear-end is parked in front of this computer,
will someone tell my family,